Welcome, dear friends, to my humble website. Contained herein is a collagenous collection of random thought patterns, hobbies, and assorted drivel from the mind of Timothy Earl Osburn. Please, poke around. Surely there is something of interest here SOMEWHERE...

Many people (at least two or three) have asked me, "Who is this Ralph Spoilsport?" Ralph is a real person. In fact, he's more than one person! Ralph Spoilsport is Everywhere! Anywhere marketing people, ad execs, hucksters, jivers, sham artists are, there is Ralph! Actually, Ralph Spoilsport was conceived by Mr. Phil Proctor of The Firesign Theatre (who has graciously given me permission to use the RSS brand) in the late sixties as a character on their second album, "How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All?", otherwise known as the "All Hail Marx/Lennon" album (see cover below). Anyone who has ever heard that album would remember the "fabulous new car, fully equipped with factory air conditioning from our fully factory air conditioned factory".

A parody on real-life Southern California car huckster Ralph Williams, Mr. Spoilsport's spirit is alive and well in towns and burgs across this vast land of ours. Here in Kansas City, we had Colonel Billy for Boots Williams Ford and Hap Hazard and his wife, Miz Hap, who purveyed fine automobiles over the airwaves in the corniest manner possible.

I have appropriated Ralph's right-hand man, the Head Mechanic, as my alter-ego and your guide to the wacky world of Tim Osburn. Should you be interested in The Firesign Theatre, you can follow the links below for more stuff. Thanks for asking and remember Ralph sez, "Do it today, because there may not be a tomorrow!"

click here for THE MANTRA:

Hiya friends! RalphSpoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors- the world’s largest new used and used new car automobile dealership- Ralph Spoilsport Motors- right here in the city of EMPHYSEMA! Let’s just look at the extras on this fabulous car! Wire-wheel spoke fenders and two-way sneeze wind vents, star-studded mud guard, sponge-coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped air conditioned factory! It’s a beautiful car, friends, with doors to match! Birch’s Blacklist says this car was stolen but for you, friends, a complete price: only two-ninety-five hundred dollars in easy monthly payments of twenty dollars a week, twice a week and never on Sunday!


Firesign Theatre

Planet Proctor

Too bad about 2008, but He'll Be Back!


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